Dreaming Out Loud
by xxlovely
Summary: She loved the escape from reality, where her pain stopped and that famous smile that she had fallen in love with all those years ago was just for her. Donna/Harvey One shot.


_"__Do you know what's good about my dreams? _

_I get to see you..."_

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><p>He smiled, shaking his head at her as she danced around his condo. Well, their condo. She grinned, spinning around, arms floating in the air as she swayed to the music, her eyes half closed. He loved seeing this side of her, a side of her that the outside world wouldn't believe existed. Void of her usual face of makeup, she never looked more beautiful to him dressed in one of his T-shirts, hair sticking up in every direction, epitomising the bed head look.<p>

"Are you going to just stand there and stare at my ass, or are you going to come help me, Specter?" She stopped, pointing a paintbrush in his direction as he took a few steps towards her. It was Saturday and despite it technically being the weekend, they both knew that work could demand their presence at any moment. Time was a luxury that neither of them truly had, their busy lives always demanding their attention, depriving them of the life of an average Joe. But there was nothing average about the pair, they were an unstoppable force, two confident, independent individuals that by day worked alongside one another, winning at everything they do, and by night would come home and just be together.

No one knew that they were together, not even Mike, and although they missed the simple things like holding hands in the street, neither of them was ready to share the other one with the rest of the world just yet. But it didn't mean that he didn't want to shout off of the Empire State Building and tell the world that she was the woman for him, that he was shamelessly in love with his secretary and had unknowingly been for years.

He tapped his index finger on his chin, pondering thought "I don't know Donna" he shrugged "you're doing a pretty good job, I think I should take an authoritative role here and just observe."

She rolled her eyes, resting her free hand on her hip, trying to look unimpressed, but she couldn't keep the act up "Harvey!" she whined, sticking out her bottom lip.

He wrapped his arms around her waist swaying her from side to side "You're the one who decided to decorate" he pointed out.

"That's because I don't fancy living in a place that is 9.99% chrome and grey. You're not a bachelor any more, it's about time this place looks like a home"

"And I told you that we could just find a new place and move." he replied.

It was her turn to shake her head in disbelief as she tapped the paintbrush on the end of his nose, leaving a mint green colored smudge on his face. "Throwing money at a situation is not how you solve it, Harvey."

His mouth fell open in shock at her action, a mischievous smirk forming on his lips as his arms dropped from around her waist "Oh, is this how we're doing it?" he asked her with raised eyebrow before walking towards the paint pot lying in the middle of the room.

"Harvey..." she warned, taking a step back "Harvey don't you dare!"

He just stared at her as he wordlessly dipped his finger in the pot, walking painfully slow towards her as she backed herself into a wall. "Harvey!" she squealed, searching for an escape but it was no use. He towered over her as he pinned her against the wall, his hand above her as his he leant his head dangerously close to her face, his warm breath fanning across her cheeks.

"You should never try and play dirty with a lawyer, Donna. You should know that."

She pursed her lips together, squinting as he pulled away, bringing his hand down, knowing what was about to happen next. She squirmed in his embrace as he pressed the pad of his finger repeatedly over her face, leaving a trail of finger shaped polka dots.

She gasped as she caught sight of her reflection "I look diseased!"

"You look beautiful" he corrected her, seriously.

She narrowed her eyes at the man in front of her "don't try and sweet talk yourself out of this Specter."

"I wouldn't dream of it" he laughed as she waved the brush in front of him as if it were a sword.

She dragged the paintbrush down his T-shirt, taking a step back to admire her handy work "Now we're equal."

He lunged forward, grabbing her by the waist as he hoisted her into the air, spinning her around. She let out a squeal at his sudden movement as he pressed his lips against hers to silence her, her body relaxing in his arms. He grinned proudly as he pulled away, noticing how flustered he had made her, her chest heavy, mind blank after the kiss. She didn't know how he did it, it was as if he had some sort of super power that could render her speechless, diffuse a situation, make her forget everything with a simple kiss.

"Now we're equal" he stated as he continued to spin her.

"Harvey, look what you've done!" she shrieked, her eyes widening as the paintbrush fell from her grip, landing on the floor, leaving a large paint stain on the carpet.

He casually shrugged, not paying much attention as he dismissed her with a hand, placing her down "we'll just get a new carpet, no big deal."

"You're an ass" she stated, pushing him playfully as she looked at the mess they had created.

He grabbed her wrist, pulling them onto the sofa "but you love me."

"Hmm" she mumbled in response, playing with the hem of his t-shirt "debatable."

He frowned, feigning offense as he pulled her close, her head resting on his chest, his fingers absentmindedly playing with a strand of her auburn hair "I love you." She smiled into his chest as his words filled her ears, the feeling of butterflies erupting in the pit of her stomach, even after all this time. Hearing him admitting his love for her never got old, she would have it on a CD, playing over and over again if she could.

"I love you too." She did. She didn't say it often, or at least as not as much as she wanted to, the words still feeling so foreign to her, the love she felt for him, so deep, it scared her a little.

"Good" he nodded, satisfied "I am a catch."

Her eyes shot open, the darkness surrounding her as the soft sounds of the New York traffic filled her ears. Letting out a shaky breath she dragged her tired body into a sitting position, her hand blindly searching for the switch, turning the light on. She frowned, her lips pursed together in a tight line as her gaze fell on the empty space beside her. She ran her hand over the mattress, the cold fabric under her touch just reenforcing what she knew, but hoped otherwise.

It was just another dream.

Bringing her knees to her chest she wrapped her arms around them tightly, holding herself as the familiar feeling of tears welled up in her eyes.

It was just a dream, it always was.

Growing up she loved staying up all hours, preaching that sleep was for the weak, but now it was her favorite part of her day. Outsiders were concerned for her wellbeing, saying that it wasn't healthy, that it wasn't an effective coping mechanism, that she had to get up, get out and live her life.

But she loved the escape from reality, where her pain stopped and that famous smile that she had fallen in love with all those years ago was just for her.

She knew realistically that one day, the dreams would fade and she would have to move on, he would want her to move on, but she was scared. Scared that one day she would wake up and forget how he sounded when he laughed, or the way he used to say her name in the heat of passion, she was scared that one day he would be nothing more than a photograph hidden in a draw, a secret from the new life she was forced to live. A new life she would trade in a heartbeat for the old.

She felt cheated, deprived of a future she had been pining for for years. Ten years of tip toeing around one anothers feelings, ten years of emotional torture, all seemed to be worth it the day they let go of their fears, the day he told her he loved her. Ten years, as long as it was, was a mere drop in the ocean compared to the time they had left, to the life they were now able to lead.

Right?

Two years, three weeks and one day.

823 days.

1185120 minutes, was all they had.

823 days she had taken for granted.

She would never get the chance to see her dreams from the last 12 years turn into a reality.

She would never get the chance to see the expression on his face the day they finally walked down the aisle, or his reaction to the news they were going to become parents. She would never get the chance to see what sort of family they would have become, what their children would be like, if they would follow in his footsteps.

Would they have looked like her?

Or would have they have looked like him? Strong jawline, sharp eyes. Undeniably attractive.

She would never get to taunt him as his hair greyed beyond the point of denial, she would never get to celebrate the day he retired, where they could grow old together without a worry in the world.

He was gone.

She wiped her eyes as her gaze fell on the his favorite pair of Tom Ford shoes, placed neatly by their bedroom door, untouched.

She turned the light off as she slipped back under the covers, her glistening eyes staring at the ceiling in complete darkness. Letting a stray tear roll down her cheek she sniffled, a sad smile finding its way to her lips as she prepared to fall back asleep, her voice floating through the room in a hoarse whisper "Sweet dreams, Harvey."

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><p><strong>So this is a little bit different than my usual stuff, but I was having a rough night and i thought i would vent my feelings through this one shot. It's not your usual fluffy Darvey, but life is unfair sometimes.<strong>

**Anyway! Im back from my hols, NYC was amazing. I stumbled across the location shot building they use for Pearson Specter! Was super excited haha. Check out my insta for that and holiday snaps 'leftmyheartinsanfrancisco'. So now im back expect updates over the next 2 days of Baby be Mine and Maps.**

**Show me the love.**


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